I just read
this article that someone shared with me weeks ago, and I just wanted to share some thoughts. They're a combination of what a friend has shared with me, what I learned in
Ruby Slippers, and more.
The foundational idea of what I'm sharing is that masculinity and femininity are unique to the male and female sexes, respectively. Meaning that men cannot
be feminine, and women cannot
be masculine. Ya, that probably sounds crazy - it confused me at first too. However, in
Ruby Slippers, Jonalyn Grace Fincher explained it very well. (I don't have the book in front of me, I'm going from memory.) She listed numerous characteristics...let's use these as examples: strength, sensitivity, boldness, & love. Most would say that 1 and 3 are more masculine while 2 and 4 are more feminine. These aren't traits of
genders, they're traits of
human beings!
For instance:
- Women need to be strong when dealing with children (especially when disciplining).
- Men need to be sensitive to....their coworker's brother just dying.
- Women need to be bold in sharing truth, in standing firm on a decision when someone's manipulating them, etc.
- Men need to be loving towards their wives, towards the beggar on the street, etc.
Ponder this example: Everyone has body hair, men generally have more. Lacking it does not make them
feminine. Men are generally taller, being shorter 5'10" does not make them feminine.
Another good example came to me at a track meet. A runner's body is often seen as the ideal body. Runner's are pictured as sleek, slender, noticeably muscular, and maybe tall. However, there are...thousands(?) of tall, slender people who don't participate in jogging, sprinting, etc. Yes, they're capable of running, and maybe they chase after their dog, but they wouldn't call themselves "runners."
Adversely, there are...thousands(?) of people who actually run, but you wouldn't know by looking at them. They might have a beer belly, their thighs might be on the chunky side, and they might be in constant pursuit of weight-loss even though they've been running their whole lives.
The thing is, runners come in all shapes and sizes. So technically, someone who
does not run can not have a runner's body, because there is no single description of a runner's body.
Men and women are the same way, they come in different shapes and sizes. A flatter-chested woman is not masculine. A man with higher cheekbones is not feminine.
The point that a friend shared with me is this: masculinity and femininity come down to biological body parts, and our culture has skewed those two words to mean many different things.
I like that. It was hard to grasp, I'm probably still grasping it, and it raises some questions.
Back to the article, the point of this post.
In light of what's above, I don't like a few quotes:
"...
Nothing about her appears masculine, no male aggressiveness,
competence, efficiency, fearlessness, strength, or the ability to kill
her own snakes." (247)
Excuse me? Being competent, efficient, and strong are traits of human beings, not just men. Right?
The article describes firmness as masculine, and gentleness as feminine. These probably
are the traits that men and women are respectively more prone to exhibiting. However, there are times when men definitely need to exhibit gentleness, and women firmness - especially in relation to children and the opposite sex. If men are more prone to be firm, then there's a time to be more gentle and sensitive with children and women who are hurting. If women are typically gentle, then there's a time for them to stand their ground against rebellious children and men who overly-persistent in pursuing them (for example).
Similarly, as written about in
Love & Respect (and taught about in church last Sunday), women are more inclined to love while men are more inclined to respect. That's why Ephesians 5:33 says, "...
let each man love his wife as he does himself, and see that the wife respects her husband."
Men may be better at respect, and women at love, but they are by no means being respectively feminine and masculine when they work on a character trait that doesn't come as naturally.
"
...a feminine woman is never 'crude, vulgar, harsh, overbearing or critical'..."
I don't know if the author thinks that those are characteristics just typical of men, I certainly hope not. No one should act that way, yet both sexes do.
"
All your [women's]
conversation should reflect tenderness, patience, forgiveness, tolerance and love."
Everyone's conversations should exhibit patience, forgiveness, and love - if for no other reason than those being fruits of the Spirit.
I sure hope this hasn't come across as feminist, or "men and women are the same," or "men and women are supposed to constantly display the same kinds of character traits." The point is that we do have similarities (makes sense, we have the same Creator), but we have innate differences because "
at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female" (Mark 10:6). (The idea of calling some men "feminine" and some women "masculine" is more of a "we're all the same, or
can be all the same" idea.)
PS:
Leslie Ludy has some good books on femininity, and how our culture has/does kill(ed) it. She and Jonalyn Grace Fincher may share similar ideas, but I think the goals of their books are different. Fincher's is more....theory and psychology (I think), and Ludy's....are not. Sorry, I read so many books that it's hard to remember specifics without having the books in front of me.
